capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
