I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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