chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
