So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
