you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
