is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
