p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
