Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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