It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
