I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
