she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
