the condom got lost in my hair
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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