So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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