yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
