Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
