I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My feet surprised me
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
