I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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