Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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