you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
