her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There r osticjed everywhere
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
