can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
