I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
