My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Come share oat with me in your robe
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
