can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
