I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
