Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
