every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
