Yo dont text me then not text me
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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