I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just had sex on a roof
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
