there's paper in my vomit.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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