Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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