Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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