Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
