I don't usually arrange sex via text message
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Randomize
