I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
