Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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