U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
