he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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