I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
