remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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