dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
