Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Drake has all the answers
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
