I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
