You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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