That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
