mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
