Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
