I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
