I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
honey bunches of taint.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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