I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
