Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
